Introduction
Hey folks!
I recently went through a breakup and I honestly have a bunch of things to share that I think have made me a better person in general.
I’m not really here to share my sob story to gain the sympathy of any sort, neither am I here to be a “guru”.
I would just like to share my thoughts on an important lesson I learnt - Detachment.
Understanding the definition
Google defines the word Detachment as the state of being objective or aloof.
When I asked my friends what detachment meant to them, they told me it’s letting go of all materialistic possessions. Interestingly, it’s also a core principle in many religions such as Christianity, Taoism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Jainism, and even Stoicism!
These religions essentially ask you to let go of desires for things and people to attain self-realization or to attain a heightened perspective.
Is detachment truly letting go of their desires for things and people?
If letting go of our desires would help us attain a heightened perspective, then what about individuals such as Elon Musk?
He desires to make the world a better place and has a good clarity on what he wants to change through his various companies.
We as humans are wired to want things (and in some cases, want things that we need). We can’t let go of materialistic possessions such as money and live a decent life.
In today’s world, no one is really kind - no one gives without wanting to receive something through someone else. This is why we believe in doing good to others because we somehow believe that doing good to others, will make good things happen to you.
My perspective
Detachment cannot be letting go of everything you have and living a life like a monk. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s wrong to do that, all I’m saying is detachment doesn’t have to be practiced that way.
Detachment is non-attachment - you have everything and yet you aren’t influenced by it.
Allow me to explain.
Imagine, you suddenly get really rich. You’d obviously upgrade your lifestyle - get a bigger house, a better car, better apparel. You’re happy and maybe at peace.
Let’s say, one day you lose all your wealth - you’d be very disappointed, frustrated and in some cases find reasons to blame something or someone to vent your disappointment. This is because you were attached to the wealth you had.
A taste of the luxurious lifestyle has changed you and is making you want more of it. That my friend is attachment.
Fun fact, since I mentioned Elon earlier, you should know that Elon was ready to risk all of his wealth and go completely broke with SpaceX. It’s his strong determination and consistent hard work that makes him the richest man in the world today. He isn’t really attached to his wealth. He doesn’t even own a house.
This important lesson is something we should practice in our day-to-day lives. We need to understand that NOBODY can make you happy but yourself. Learn to be happy on your own and not seek it through someone else.
When you get into a relationship, always remember that your partner adds to your existent happiness. You aren’t happy because of your partner, you’re happier because of them. If your partner decides to leave you tomorrow for whatever reason, you will be perfectly fine, happy, and at peace on your own!
Practice detachment on an emotional level too. Learn to never be attached to a particular thought, past experiences, and future expectations.
Stop worrying about the results of your action. This will save you from so much anxiety because you will be able to look at things more objectively which in turn will give you so much clarity. You can’t control the reaction of other people, so stop worrying about it and just be yourself. It will honestly give you a lot of mental peace.
Detach from wanting to be right all the time. When a difference of opinion arises, remember to not take control of the situation. When you take control, you try to steer the argument to make you win. Learn to detach, take a breather and revisit the situation with absolutely zero bias. That is how you react to any heated conversation.
Conclusion
All this being said, detachment isn’t always easy. It takes time to practice it consciously and in most cases will feel extremely weird. But, time makes everything work. Keep at it and I’m sure you’ll attain self-realization the way it’s meant to be.