Introduction
Hey folks, it’s been a while!
Loneliness is a topic that’s been on my mind for a while and I wasn’t exactly sure about how I could articulate myself to express my opinions on it.
I’m mid-way through my third year of college. Pre-final year is exciting and terrifying at the same time - you realize you’re closer to getting a degree, but you also realize that life is about to get very serious, very quickly from here on out.
Regardless, I’ve been noticing a lot of my peers going through a stressful time - mostly because of the lack of social connections with other people.
This is exactly what I want to explore. So let’s get right into it!
What is loneliness?
I’d like to first get discuss the formal definition of loneliness and then explore what I think is happening.
Loneliness is mostly described as a state of mind wherein a person is sad because their expectations in a relationship do not align with their experience.
They say that you can be lonely, even when you have company, which is true.
But, is that the actual case? Are the people truly lonely because of their dissatisfaction with their social connections?
What do I think is happening?
I do think that people feel lonely because of their dissatisfaction with their social connections, but here’s the thing, I believe that people’s expectations are based on a fake reality aka social media.
Yup, we’re going down that rabbit hole.
Social Media (ironically) was created to help bring people closer. Today almost all social media sites have turned into a platform where users seek approval. This need for constant approval and gratification leads to a dangerous situation wherein the users are trying to compete with their peers by making it look like they have the most amazing lives!
Think about it, why isn’t anyone sad on Instagram, Facebook, or any other sites? I find it mildly unsettling when I see people post crying videos or pictures of themselves - I mean when I’m sad or disappointed, I definitely do not feel like recording myself or taking pictures (unless it’s a happy occasion!)
Social media is not the only thing though, I do think that people aren’t grateful enough for what they have.
For example, I know someone who really wants a friend to discuss Anime with, however, the people around him do not have the same taste as him.
He’s told me numerous times about how he feels like he doesn’t fit into his social circle, but I know that they are really nice and inclusive people. Does this truly make him lonely?
I believe that there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.
On the other hand, I also see people with large social circles feeling lonely. By large social circles, I am most definitely referring to the people who love to party and have a good time.
I think such people constitute low-quality friends. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to offend anyone, but think about it - such people never seem to be there for each other when someone is in need of their help?
Maybe it’s because they only share happy moments and do not know how to deal with other circumstances.
Remember, if you’re not able to share a sad moment because it can come across as embarrassing, you should ditch them as soon as possible.
A friend in need is a friend indeed! - If your friend is there for you at your lowest, they’re your true friend!
It’s perfectly okay to have a small social cirlce of high quality friends - it’s high time that we normalize this!
Okay, so how do I deal with it?
There is a simple yet effective solution to this - Reflect.
It’s important for us to align our expectations with reality and focus on the now rather than the future or the past.
You know, they say that the future never exists and the past has ceased to exist. The only thing that is constant is present, so focus on what you have right now - you do not have to worry about the uncertain.
I can definitely recommend meditating or writing your thoughts and expectations in a diary. All you have to do is understand why you feel lonely.
I do understand that there can be some people who are genuinely having a hard time where the minimum expectations of a relationship aren’t met.
Situations like these are usually rare, but this is also an opportunity for you to understand why you’re unable to make connections. Is it because you’re too reserved? Or maybe you find it hard to speak in a particular language?
If you’re someone who is finding it very hard to make any friends, please do not hesitate to reach out to me here.
But wait, why should I be grateful?
Isn’t it obvious? If you’re lonely, then you probably have a lot more time on your hands. The positive side to this is that you can spend more time doing activities that make you feel more satisfied - it could be something as simple as sketching or singing.
No matter what you choose to do with your time, I think ultimately you have to make sure that this brings you a sense of satisfaction and happiness that is irreplaceable.
I’d strongly suggest trying to grow your skillsets or learning something new. It can never hurt to learn more!
Also, you should also try to reflect upon yourself. This will help you develop a sense of individuality and a peaceful state of mind.
Conclusion
So, I do think people are feeling lonely and disconnected because of the unrealistic standards set by social media or their lack of willingness to be grateful for what they have.
However, there’s another aspect I wanna touch upon. Have you heard people say that the path to success is lonely?
Yeah, there’s a reason behind that. When you’re very focused on achieving great things, you will inevitably be a misfit in society. Every great person you know of today has been a misfit because they have strong convictions in their not-so-conventional beliefs and actions.
The reason I bring this up is that I do not want people to be misguided. If you’re someone who’s choosing to be alone and is not wasting their time on trivial joys, then you’re probably doing the right thing!
However, this doesn’t mean that you have to be alone to be successful, you definitely need social connections (both on the professional and personal front). Try to spend some time connecting with your friends who still stick by your side, it’s not fair if you’re constantly prioritizing your work over socializing.
Once again, reflecting is probably the most important skill that I think everyone should cultivate.